Anonymous reports have surfaced with eerily similar sighting
of a creature that can only be described as a troll. “This is no garden variety
gnome” one source stated.
Initial reports were written off as a case of one too many
brews when the person of interest was found to be taking a smoke break between
sets outside the Pour House in downtown Stoughton. However, within days
sighting of said troll were reported by a reputable citizen who has never been
known to touch a drop of spirits. “I was taking my early morning jog down the
south side of Main St when I saw it plain as day shoot out from Division
heading north. I was so startled I have to admit I emitted a disturbing high
pitch screech. The thing stopped turned and looked me right in the eye and I
swear it said ‘Hallo, so very sorry. I should have looked before crossing.’
Scared the daylights out of me, but he did seem to be a polite chap”.
Soon photos from all over the downtown area were coming in
as citizens began to report more and more sighting often in the early morning
or late evening just before and after businesses closed.
Not believing a word of it this reporter has contacted a
zoologist at UW- Whitewater to confirm or deny the existence of trolls in the
modern era. “Poppycock! There is no such thing as trolls. Besides the
topography of the Stoughton area could not support a village of trolls as there
is not a cave system sufficiently large enough to house the creatures. Ahem, I
mean no trolls are fairytales told to frighten small children.”
Not satisfied with second hand reports this reporter decided
to traverse the area just after sunrise to see for myself. I found nothing. Convinced
the troll was a hoax I stopped in for a bismark at Fosdals. After purchasing my
delicious treat I was leaving the store and there he was. Sitting right there
on the chair. I nearly choked. “What do you want?” I stammered.
“Oh nothing really. We’ve just been neighbors for so long
know I’ve decided to introduce myself to the human folk. They call me Oton-
rhymes with Stoughton.”
By the time I thought of what to ask I heard a pop and he
faded away. It is this reporter’s opinion that Oton is friendly and seems to
enjoy the downtown area. Citizens sighting Oton are advised to say Hello.
My editor has sent me back into the field to track down
Oton. I’m not to come back until I get an interview. I spent several pre-dawn
hours stalking the downtown area concentrating on the area where I last saw the
troll. On the eleventh morning I began to give up hope as I hid in the bushes in
front of the McFarland State Bank. Fearing failure and my knees soggy with the
cold morning dew, I began to pack up. My stomach growled as I began to notice
the sharp tang of coffee and what I could only describe as strawberry jelly.
Realizing I was hungry I crawled out to make my way to the Koffee Kup.
“What ya doing,” a gravelly voice said.
I spun around and there he was Oton himself, but somehow
smaller this time. Shaking my head to recover my wits I invited him for coffee
and a chat.
His eyes glittered like topaz as he replied, “sure, can I
have sprinkles too?”
“I don’t know if they have sprinkles,” I stammered.
“Try the bakery.”
Not willing to let this opportunity to get away I dashed away
for two cups of steaming black coffee and grabbed a dozen chocolate donuts
covered in colorful sprinkles. I raced back with the scrumptious treats, but to
my horror he had disappeared. I dropped to the bench spilling hot coffee across
my lap.
“Hey, watch it. That’s hot.”
Peeking between my knees there he sat. “Lots of humans
today. Meet you at troll beach.”
“But it’s closed for the season,” I said.
“It’s always open for me. See ya there.” And with a pop he
vanished just as a pleasant older gentleman paraded by with a puzzled look on
his face.
I ran to my car and I have to admit risked a hefty traffic
ticket to get my interview. To my great relief there he sat at the top of the
blue plastic slide. Yelling through the fence I said “Oton, I have a few
questions. The people of Stoughton want to know more about you.”
“Okey-dokey,” he said as he pulled a tiny pair of sunglasses
from his grubby overalls. He leapt to the ground and landing lightly on his
feet he skipped to the fence.
“Where do you come from?”
“Norway, doesn’t everyone? Where are my sprinkles?”
I shoved the cup through a gap in the fence as he asked,
“What’s that?”
“You asked for coffee. It’s dark roast.”
“You asked for coffee. It’s dark roast.”
“Yeah, but you have to throw out the water first.”
“Shaking my head I handed him the bag. Sorry humans drink it
wet.”
“That’s disgusting,” he said as he licked the frosting from
the first donut. “Ooh, chocolate. Yummy.”
“Are you here to harm us?”
“Why would I do that? We’ve been neighbors for years. I
think humans are fascinating.”
“How long have you been here?”
“I arrived with the first group. The elders say they never
would have made it without me.”
“Why?”
“I find things, useful things,” was all he would say.
He was playing with me, but afraid he would get bored and
disappear I forged ahead. “Some people see you and your three feet tall, others
say you’re as big as a human, today you are as tiny as a baby squirrel.
How is that possible?”
“Magic. It’s kinda my thing. The sorceress accepted me as
apprentice long ago when I demonstrated I could make my nose grow, see?”
Faster than Pinocchio his nose shot out several inches. “The
hard part is getting all the different pieces to look right. I’m still working
on it. Leaf tells me I look different when I’m big.”
Stunned I asked, “How on earth do you do it?”
“That’s a secret for another day,” he said slyly. Shoving
the last of the donuts down his gullet he said, “I’m late. The others will
start to worry if I don’t get back soon.” POP.
“Damn, I had so many questions, and now I have even more.
Like who the heck is Leaf?” I grumbled.
“Next time bring the grounds, used, still warm, squeezed-
not strained,” he called from some unseen location.
“No problem,” I stammered as I scanned the park. “When will
I see you again?”
Be downtown twenty-nine sunrises from now. I’ll find you.
Dear readers, next time I’ll be ready, I can promise you
that.
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